83 Criminally Funny Pirate Jokes for 2026

Pirate jokes have been making people laugh long before Pirates of the Caribbean hit the big screen, although that movie definitely helped make them a favorite. Pirates are fearless rulers of the seven seas, masters of every ship, parrot friends, rum lovers and legendary adventurers, forever wrapped in mystery. And what better way to celebrate these ocean legends than with a whole bunch of pirate jokes and puns? We’ve done the treasure hunting for you and found the very best, right up there with Chuck Norris jokes for sheer laughs. Arrr you ready for some fun?

Jump to Section

• Funny Pirate Jokes
• Corny Pirate Jokes
• Pirate Jokes for Adults
• The Best of the Best Pirate Jokes
• Pirate Jokes for Kids
• Pirate Jokes FAQs

Funny Pirate Jokes

The best funny pirate jokes are usually simple and sometimes on the nose but they always deliver on the humor. They might even be unintentionally funny, much like the pirates themselves. Whatever variety of pirate jokes you enjoy, these ones are easy to share if you’re telling Thanksgiving jokes around the table or even using them as a lighthearted ice breaker during team building activities.

1. Where did Captain Hook find his famous hook? At a secondhand shop.

2. How much does a pirate pay for an ear piercing? Roughly a buck-an-ear.

3. Which two teams played the Pirate Super Bowl? The Buccaneers and the Seahawks.

4. What color do pirates like the most? Gold.

5. Why does the captain prefer a ship to a car? Because he let his car-go.

6. Do pirates enjoy a good fight? Sword of.

7. What did the pirate shout during the blizzard? Thar she snows!

8. If a farmer tends a cabbage patch, what does a pirate have? An eye patch.

9. What do you call a pirate who isn’t very bright? A pillage idiot.

10. What do you call a pirate with both eyes, both hands, and both legs? A beginner.

11. Where do you find a pirate who’s lost his wooden leg? Exactly where you left him.

12. What does a vegan pirate keep on his shoulder? A carrot.

13. What do pirates wear when it’s cold? Long Johns.

14. Why did the pirate couple break up? They couldn’t stop AARRR-guing.

15. What instrument does a pirate play? The guitarrrrr.

16. What do pirates do when they can’t find their treasure map? They go into de-nile.

17. Why did the pirate love his treasure so much? Because it was mint to be.

Corny Pirate Jokes

When pirates first sailed to America back in the 1600s, they probably had no idea they’d one day inspire some of the funniest punchlines in history. With their eye patches, parrots and “Arrr!”-filled speech, pirate life is perfect for puns and dad jokes. That’s why it’s so easy to come up with corny pirate jokes. If the jokes of the day for work that your boss insists on telling need an upgrade, this is a great place to start.

18. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? About a buck-an-ear.

19. Why do pirates make terrible singers? Because they can’t hit the high Cs.

20. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie.

21. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks.

22. Why did the pirate take some time off? He needed a little arrr and arrr.

23. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye.

24. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank.

25. What do pirates use to clean their decks? The mop-ly crew.

26. Why don’t pirates shower before walking the plank? They’ll just wash up on shore later.

27. What do you call something that sinks to the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck.

28. Why can’t pirates drink rum on Saturdays? Because they only cannon Sundays.

29. What do you get when you cross a pirate with a tropical fruit? A bandana.

30. Why do pirates love pizza so much? Because it’s served in pieces o’eight.

31. Why don’t pirates enjoy driving through the mountains? Because it’s s-curvy.

32. Why did the pirate bring a pencil aboard the ship? In case he needed to draw his sword.

Pirate Jokes for Adults

Pirate jokes for adults are a lot like hidden treasure: they can be hilarious, but only if you know how to use them. Some of these jokes about pirates are crude and even downright bold, so timing and audience are everything. Add the best pirate jokes to your comedy routine carefully and you could have your listeners laughing until they can’t breathe. Miss the mark, though and you might end up offending someone instead of entertaining them. The key is knowing your crowd and using these risqué pirate jokes wisely.

33. What kind of movies are a pirate’s favorite? Arrr-rated.

34. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of music? Rum and bass.

35. Why don’t pirates like talking about treasure? They find it a bit chesty.

36. What did the pirate say to his therapist? I feel like I’ve lost my bearings.

37. Why do pirates love rum so much? Because it lifts their spirits.

38. Why did the pirate go broke? Too much spending on the “booty”!

39. What’s a pirate’s least favorite drink? Arrr-nold Palmer.

40. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? They already have all the booty they need.

41. What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle.

42. Why did the pirate quit drinking? Because he couldn’t sea straight.

43. Why did the pirate refuse to work in IT? Too many firewalls.

44. What did the pirate say after eating too much? I’m ship-faced.

45. Why do pirates carry swords? Because pistols are too mainstream.

46. Why did the pirate dump his stocks? He had to pay the loan sharks.

47. Where does a pirate hide his buccaneers? Under his buckin’ hat.

48. How do pirates hide their money? In an offshore account.

The Best of the Best Pirate Jokes

Pirates are the most notorious rogues in history and their adventures blur the line between reality and fantasy. Hilarious pirate jokes take these mischievous scallywags and turn their antics into laughs and there’s a pirate joke for almost every sense of humor. But the best of the best pirate jokes are easy to remember and can make anyone smile.

49. What kind of haircut does a pirate get? A crew cut.

50. How much did the pirate spend on his new hook and peg? An arm and a leg.

51. What does Santa say when he drops by a pirate ship? Row row row!

52. Why is it so difficult to get a hold of a pirate on the phone? Because he always leaves it off the hook.

53. What did the pirate call his sweetheart? Peggy. 

54. A pirate storms into a tavern with a steering wheel sticking out of his trousers. The barkeep says, “Hey, you’ve got a wheel down there!” The pirate grumbles, “Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”

55. How can you revive a pirate on his last breath? With C-P-ARRRR.

56. A pirate visits the doctor about spots on his arm. The doc says, “Relax, they’re benign.” The pirate argues, “Nay, there be eleven; I counted ‘em meself!”

57. A slice of pie costs $3 in Puerto Rico, $3 in the Dominican Republic, and $5 in Cuba. Those, me matey, are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

58. What do you call a pirate ship right after the crew turns against the captain? A crew’s ship.

59. How did Viking sailors send secret messages? They used Norse code.

60. Why did the captain show up in a suit and tie? He had a cor-pirate meeting.

61. Why don’t pirates return after losing a hand? Because they’re too busy playing hook-y.

62. How do pirates discipline their little ones? Very sternly.

63. Why did the pirate bring sandpaper to the tavern? He wanted to smooth things over.

Pirate Jokes for Kids

Pirate jokes are a favorite for kids, as little ones love imagining life on the high seas and the adventure that comes with it. Since jokes for kids are usually simple and full of puns, pirate jokes fit right in with their sense of humor. From clever wordplay to classic knock knock jokes, pirate humor has everything needed to keep little buccaneers giggling.

64. How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail.

65. What do pirates learn first in math class? Arrrrithmetic.

66. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Garden. Garden who? I’m garden the treasure.

67. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scally. Scally who? Scallywag.

68. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip rope? Captain Jump Sparrow!

69. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch? Because he couldn’t afford an iPad.

70. What’s a pirate’s favorite country? Arrr-gentina.

71. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!

72. Why did the pirate captain hire a cook? He needed someone to stir up trouble.

73. What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument? The guitarrrr.

74. What did the pirate name his dog? Patches.

75. How do pirates stay healthy? Vitamin Sea.

76. What do pirates say before they take a test? Sea’s the day!

77. What’s the veggie every pirate loves most? An arrrtichoke.

78. Why were the students yawning in pirate school? They were overbored.

79. Where do pirates go to play video games? The arrrrcade.

80. Why did the pirate become a baker? He kneaded the dough.

81. What’s a pirate’s favorite animal? An arrrmadillo.

82. What do you call a pirate who tells jokes? Captain Chuckles.

83. How do pirates learn to navigate? They take map lessons.

Pirate Jokes FAQs

What Are Some Good Pirate Sayings?

Some popular pirate sayings include Ahoy, Aye, Arrr, Matey, Blimey and Dead men tell no tales.

What Do Pirates Say Instead of “Yes”?

Aye!

What Do Pirates Call Their Friends in Slang?

Mateys!

Pirate humor might not always be about ships and treasure but it’s always silly and fun. That’s why jokes about pirates have a way of turning even a dull moment into a laugh and almost always make everyone smile. Whether you’re looking for a few good laughs or some funny ice breaker questions, these hilarious pirate jokes will keep your crew in high spirits. 

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