36 Questions to Fall in Love and How to Make Them Work in 2025
What if there were 36 questions to fall in love that could help you win over your crush or reconnect with your partner? That sounds too good to be true, but hear us out. It turns out the concept isn’t just late-night talk — researchers actually tested it. A study by Arthur Aron, featured in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, looked at whether intimacy between strangers could be created through a set of specific questions designed to foster closeness. While it wasn't immediately taken up, a viral New York Times Modern Love article brought the idea mainstream.
And while romance isn’t guaranteed if you ask these questions to make you fall in love, they’re a great way to get a conversation going if the chemistry is there. Today, couples can use them to reconnect, singles can adapt them into fun ice breaker questions on dates and therapists can use them to encourage honest self-disclosure.
But can asking questions really make love grow? Maybe not on their own, but they do open the door for trust, vulnerability and closeness to follow.
Jump to Section
- What Are the 36 Questions to Fall in Love?
- How the 36 Questions to Fall in Love Work
- The 36 Questions to Fall in Love (Full List)
- 36 Questions to Fall in Love Ideas for Couples
- The 36 Questions to Fall in Love as a Game
- Tips for Using the 36 Questions to Fall in Love
- 36 Questions to Fall in Love FAQs
What Are the 36 Questions to Fall in Love?
The 36 questions to fall in love trace back to a 1997 study by Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University. In the study, pairs of strangers asked each other increasingly personal questions, ending with four minutes of silent eye contact. Researchers found that, by bypassing small talk and shallow questions, a sense of intimacy was fostered more quickly.
For years, the research remained mostly within academic circles, but in 2015, journalist Mandy Len Catron shared her own experience with the exercise in the New York Times column “Modern Love.” Her article, entitled To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This, describes trying the 36 questions to fall in love with a friend, and their relationship that turned romantic shortly thereafter. Catron later expanded her reflections in her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone, blending the 36 questions with her own experiences and observations about intimacy.
How the 36 Questions to Fall in Love Work
Catron’s takeaway was clear: love isn’t always something we stumble into — it can be created, but only if we’re willing to put in the effort.
That idea connects directly to the structure of the exercise itself. The questions are grouped into three sets, starting with light ice breaker questions and gradually moving into more vulnerable territory. This gradual approach is based on the principle of reciprocal vulnerability, which states that when one person opens up, the other person feels safe enough to do the same. And according to the American Psychological Association, self-disclosure is one of the strongest predictors of emotional closeness, which helps explain why the exercise works so effectively.
Think of the structure like warming up before a workout. By first focusing on building rapport, intimacy and closeness come more naturally because people are more likely to answer the 36 questions to fall in love honestly once their guard is down.
The 36 Questions to Fall in Love (Full List)
The 36 questions are divided into three sets, each designed to gradually build comfort and intimacy. Set one starts light, set two goes deeper into values and memories and set three encourages honesty about emotions and vulnerability. You don’t have to treat it like homework; think of it more as a guided conversation that grows richer with each step.
Set 1: Breaking the Ice With Lighthearted Questions
The first set of the 36 questions to make you fall in love is relatively lighthearted. They’re meant to skip small talk without getting too heavy, setting a comfortable tone for the deeper sets to follow. They're a great alternative to would you rather questions on a first date because they’re designed to be introductory and get both parties acquainted with each other.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2: Deepening the Conversation
With the second set of questions, the focus shifts toward memories, values and family relationships. These questions to get to know someone help you see what matters most to the other person and how their past has shaped them, making them especially powerful for couples who want to connect on a more personal level.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3: Vulnerability and Emotional Honesty
The last set of the 36 questions to fall in love is all about emotional vulnerability. These deep questions to ask are designed to invite emotional honesty and vulnerability, encouraging you to share truths you might not usually voice. They're a really good conversation starter for couples’ therapy or partners who need to reconnect and understand each other more deeply.
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Then, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
36 Questions to Fall in Love Ideas for Couples
The 36 questions to fall in love aren’t just a fun experiment — for couples, they can become a thoughtful ritual. They’re a way to step outside daily routines and give each other undivided attention. On a road trip, the questions can turn long stretches of driving into real conversation. At home, they work just as well over a bottle of wine on the couch or a slow weekend morning with coffee.
Some couples revisit the questions every year, treating their answers like a living time capsule. What you say at the start of a relationship may be different five years later, after new jobs, kids or big life changes. Looking back together can highlight what’s shifted and what’s stayed the same.
They’re also useful for couples in long-distance relationships. Going through the questions over video calls or even text messages adds structure to conversations that might otherwise feel routine. And during stressful periods, they can help bring listening and honesty back into focus when those things feel harder to express.
The 36 Questions to Fall in Love as a Game
The questions don’t have to stay serious. They can be just as fun when used in a playful format. Turning the 36 questions to fall in love into a game keeps the mood light and makes the exercise less intimidating, especially for new couples or groups of friends.
One option is to write each question on slips of paper, fold them up and draw them randomly from a bowl. Another is to create a deck of cards, shuffle them and take turns answering whatever comes up. If you’re with multiple couples, have everyone jot down their answers anonymously and then guess who wrote what, it works almost like party-style ice breaker questions.
For two people, you can add a challenge element. Award points for long or detailed answers, or add a sip-and-snack rule: take a bite or sip whenever you find something you have in common. The goal isn’t to ‘win’ but to enjoy real moments of connection along the way.
Tips for Using the 36 Questions to Fall in Love
The original study came with instructions, but in real life it helps to keep a few practical guidelines in mind. These tips make the exercise feel natural instead of like homework, and they ensure both people feel comfortable opening up.
1. Choose a quiet, comfortable setting with few distractions, such as a park, a coffee shop or your living room sofa (if you’re okay with that level of intimacy).
2. Answer truthfully instead of trying to figure out what the other person wants to hear.
3. When you’re asking the 36 questions to fall in love, approach it like a conversation. If the other person feels like they’re being interrogated, they are likely to be less forthcoming.
4. You can skip or alter a question if it feels too intense. While each of the questions was chosen for a reason, the experience is meant to be exploratory, not rigid. There’s no rulebook when it comes to emotions.
5. Think carefully about your answers before speaking — don’t be afraid to pause and collect your thoughts.
6. Avoid one-word answers. The 36 questions to fall in love aren’t an assignment you’re trying to complete as quickly as possible; elaboration and storytelling show your personality and encourage your partner to open up.
7. Don’t cheat and skip the first set of 36 questions to fall in love — even if you’re an existing couple. Starting lighthearted makes the conversation flow much more smoothly later on, no matter how long you’ve known each other.
8. You don’t have to take the questions to fall in love so seriously. You aren’t subjects in a study; you’re two people trying something new. Have fun!
9. Be a good listener instead of just thinking about what you’re going to say next. Trust and connection are built when both parties are equally engaged in the conversation.
10. Don’t try to force yourself to feel a certain way. Let emotions arise naturally, and acknowledge them without judgment.
11. The original study calls for four minutes of eye contact at the end of the final set, so don’t skip it. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but if you push through the awkwardness, you’ll unlock a whole new level of intimacy.
12. Spend a few minutes reflecting afterwards to deepen the connection further.
About the 36 Questions to Fall in Love FAQs
What Are 36 Questions About?
The 36 questions to fall in love are designed to break down barriers and gradually build intimacy and closeness.
Do the 36 Questions Really Make People Fall in Love?
They can. But it's not quite that simple. As Mandy Len Catron wrote in her book 36 Questions to Fall in Love, love isn’t a passive, intangible thing we stumble into; it’s created through effort and intention. Initial chemistry is important, but true love is built over time with effort and intention. The 36 questions to fall in love can help facilitate the deep emotional bond needed for love to grow.
What Questions to Ask a Guy to Make Him Fall in Love With You?
While there are no guarantees, the 36 questions to fall in love are a solid place to start when it comes to winning over your crush. Asking these on a first date is a solid way to get past small talk and test compatibility early on.
Can You Use the 36 Questions With Friends or Family?
You can absolutely use the 36 questions to fall in love with friends and family. While often linked to romance, the goal is to deepen connection, which works just as well in platonic relationships.
Are There Right or Wrong Answers to the 36 Questions?
There are no wrong answers — other than dishonesty, of course. The 36 questions to fall in love only work if you’re fully truthful with each other.
The 36 questions to fall in love don’t promise instant romance, but they do create space for honesty and vulnerability. The ingredients every strong relationship needs. Whether you’re just getting to know someone or looking to reconnect with a longtime partner, these prompts offer a simple way to open the door to closeness.
For even more fun ideas to get-to-know-someone, check out other experiences happening on Classpop!
