What Are The Five Types Of Love Language?
When you and your partner speak different types of love language, it's surprisingly easy to misread each other's signals or feel disconnected, even when both of you are genuinely trying to show love. What feels like affection to one person might go unnoticed or underappreciated by the other.
Understanding the ways each of you gives and receives love is a crucial step toward building a stronger, more harmonious relationship. Knowing each other's types of love language can even inspire thoughtful gestures like planning creative anniversary date ideas that speak directly to what makes them feel loved. In this article, we'll explore the 5 types of love language and how understanding them can transform the way you connect with your loved one.
Jump to Section
- 5 Types Of Love Language
- Are There Other Love Languages?
- Love Styles: A Modern Twist On The Original Love Languages
- How to Identify Your Love Language
- The Benefits Of Knowing Your Love Language
5 Types Of Love Language
The idea that there are 5 types of love language originates from Dr. Gary Chapman's well-known book, The Five Love Languages. His central insight is that we all have different ways of expressing love. Thus, he identified five distinct "languages" of love, stating that understanding them can completely transform a relationship. Many of us assume that what makes us feel loved will naturally make our partners feel loved too, but that's often not the case. Chapman identified 5 types of love language and all the ways they shape how we express affection, interpret care and build emotional connection.
1. Act Of Service Love Language
For someone who feels loved through acts of service, actions truly speak louder than words. They're often the type who show love by doing things for others. This could be running errands, fixing things or lending a hand.
To make them feel appreciated, lighten their load where you can. You can do this by cooking dinner after their long day, running an errand or tidying up their workspace. Helping with tasks and acknowledging what they do well shows care and lets your partner know that you appreciate them. Plus, it makes them feel seen and cherished.
On the other hand, criticizing what's left undone can really sting for people who speak the act of service love language, so try to focus on the effort they are making rather than what's missing. Even small gestures of gratitude go a long way in making them feel loved and supported.
2. Quality Time Love Language
For someone who treasures quality time, nothing speaks love louder than your undivided presence and attention. And you don't have to spend a lot of money on elaborate vacations or gestures to offer this. It can be as simple as setting an entire day aside to just be with them without any distractions or background noise.
In fact, if this is your partner's love language, then you should absolutely put effort into making intentional plans and find ways to show up for them to the best of your ability. This could mean sitting down for coffee together before the day starts, planning a weekly date night, taking a stroll after work or even giving experience gift cards so you can enjoy a shared activity together.
On the flipside, one of the quickest ways to disappoint someone who speaks the quality time love language is by cancelling plans or double-booking. Distracted conversations can feel especially painful because they make them feel like they're competing for your attention. That's why it's important to guard your time together carefully, because this is how they feel seen, valued and prioritized. And instead of guessing what they want to do together, it's best to ask and make it happen. That way, you know your time together is meaningful for both of you.
3. Physical Touch Love Language
For partners who speak the physical touch love language, small gestures of affection can go a long way. A quick hug before work or a squeeze of the hand while watching a movie can make your partner feel grounded and loved, because for them, touch is reassurance made tangible.
Conversely, distance or neglect can leave them feeling unloved, which means turning away from their touch during a tense moment can feel like rejection for them because physical connection is their emotional anchor. Holding hands, hugs, a pat on the back or a gentle brush of the arm can mean everything, even when you're in conflict.
4. Receiving Gifts Love Language
While everyone enjoys a thoughtful surprise, people with this love language see gifts as tangible symbols of love and care. It's not so much about the price tag as the thought and effort behind it. A gift tells them they're on your mind. To show your love in a way that resonates, keep track of the little things they mention throughout the year and surprise them with something meaningful.
Gifts can also extend beyond objects. Creative date night dinner ideas, like cooking their favorite meal at home or booking a themed dining experience, can act as a thoughtful "gift" that resonates deeply. You can even try alphabet date ideas, planning fun experiences that correspond to different letters of the alphabet.
Whatever the occasion, a well-thought-out token of love speaks louder than an expensive one. On the flip side, forgetting a special date or giving something impersonal can feel devastating, as it may seem like they, and the relationship, don't matter as much to you.
5. Words Of Affirmation Love Language
If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, try expressing your feelings through a heartfelt love letter. It's a thoughtful way to capture their full attention and let them know every reason you adore them. People who value affirmation tend to be sensitive to tone and language; praise uplifts them, but harsh criticism, especially in public, can cut deep.
That's why you want to prioritize speaking kindly, choose your words with care and remember that your compliments have the power to make them feel cherished and confident. Not only that, but silence can feel like distance as well, even if your love runs deep. So make an effort to tell them what you adore about them, whether that's through complimenting their outfit, thanking them for dinner or leaving a quick note reminding them how much they mean to you. Every sincere word builds a deeper bond.
Are There Other Love Languages?
Truity recently surveyed more than half a million people from across the globe to uncover how modern individuals feel most loved. The findings revealed that while many of Dr. Gary Chapman's classic ideas about love still resonate, our ways of expressing love have evolved dramatically over the past forty years. Today, many couples place greater value on emotional understanding and intellectual connection. To reflect these changes, Truity created the 7 Love Styles framework, which is a fresh take on how people give and receive love in the modern world.
As relationships have adapted to shifting social norms, so too have our emotional needs. With changing gender roles, increased career equality and the rise of dual-income households, what people expect from their partners has expanded. Truity's new model builds on Chapman's original five types of love language by introducing two entirely new styles that mirror these cultural and emotional shifts.
6. Emotional Love Language
The first new love style, Emotional, centers on empathy, compassion and emotional support. Those who favor this style feel deeply loved when their partner is present and caring during difficult times. Someone who listens, comforts, and truly understands.
7. Intellectual Love Language
The second addition, Intellectual, celebrates connection through conversation and shares curiosity. People drawn to this style feel most loved when their partner values their ideas, engages in meaningful dialogue, and appreciates their perspective. These updates recognize the growing importance of emotional intelligence and mutual respect in healthy, modern relationships.
Love Styles: A Modern Twist On The Original Love Languages
Truity's research also revisited Chapman's earlier types of love languages, refining and expanding them. For example, while the original Receiving Gifts love language remains relevant, the modern interpretation, now called Financial, includes a broader view of generosity. This style values not only giving gifts but also sharing financial stability and thoughtful spending as ways of showing love and care.
Altogether, the seven Love Styles offer a richer, more nuanced picture of how people connect today.
- Activity: Feeling loved when a partner joins in on shared hobbies, interests or adventures.
- Appreciation: Feeling valued through praise, gratitude and words of affirmation.
- Emotional: Feeling cared for when a partner provides empathy and emotional support
- Financial: Feeling appreciated through generosity and thoughtful financial care.
- Intellectual: Feeling connected through deep conversations and mental stimulation.
- Physical: Feeling loved through touch, affection and physical closeness.
- Practical: Feeling cared for when a partner helps with daily tasks and responsibilities.
In essence, the 7 Love Styles represent a modern evolution of how love is experienced; one that embraces both the heart and the mind in equal measure.
How to Identify Your Love Language
It really helps to know how someone naturally receives love, because that's the key to showing care that actually lands. Most of us tend to love others the way we want to be loved, or assume that's how others want to be loved, too. It's kind of like when we eat at an amazing restaurant and can't wait to tell our friends so they can enjoy it too.
And when someone hurts us, our first reaction might be to make them feel that same sting, just so they'll understand. The same thing happens with love: we express it the way it makes sense to us. Once you notice that pattern, it becomes so much easier to figure out someone else's love language.
Now, there are many ways to identify someone's types of love language. For example, if they often use encouraging words, they probably value words of affirmation. Meanwhile, a person who puts thought into gifts likely feels most loved through meaningful presents, while someone who goes out of their way to spend time with you probably craves quality time in return. Here are some other methods you can use to ascertain how best to show love to your partner.
1. Observe Their Reactions
One of the easiest ways to uncover someone's love language is to pay close attention to how they respond to your gestures. Notice what lights them up and what falls flat. If you plan a surprise dinner and they seem more touched by the time you spent together than the meal itself, quality time might be their love language.
On the other hand, if a small, thoughtful gift leaves them glowing, receiving gifts may be their thing. Equally telling are moments of disappointment. When someone feels unseen or unappreciated despite your efforts, it may simply mean you're speaking a language that doesn't translate for them.
2. Trial and Error
Finding your partner's types of love language is rarely instant. In fact, it's often a process of discovery and gentle experimentation. Try offering words of affirmation one week, prioritizing shared experiences the next or expressing love through touch or practical help. Observe what evokes genuine warmth, gratitude or ease in your partner.
When something doesn't land, don't take it personally. Instead, treat it as helpful information. Every reaction, good or bad, helps you better understand what truly reaches their heart. Over time, these small experiments build emotional fluency, allowing you both to love and be loved more intentionally.
3. Family Interactions
A person's family dynamics often hold important clues to their love language. Family members, especially those who've known someone since childhood, tend to instinctively know what comforts or encourages them. For example, if their parents always showed love by cooking or doing practical things, they might respond best to acts of service. If they grew up in a home where affection was expressed through hugs and closeness, physical touch may feel most natural.
Conversely, understanding what causes tension in family relationships can also reveal what types of love language don't resonate. Families often reflect both our earliest lessons in love and our deepest emotional patterns.
4. Ask
Sometimes, the most straightforward path is the most effective: simply ask. A growing relationship thrives on curiosity and open communication, and there's nothing awkward about wanting to understand how your partner feels most cared for. You might frame it as a conversation, sharing your own preferences and inviting them to do the same. Questions like "What makes you feel most loved?" or "What do I do that means the most to you?" can open up a deeper understanding.
The Benefits Of Knowing Your Love Language
Knowing your partner's love language can completely transform how you connect. Whether they light up at sweet words, thoughtful gifts or uninterrupted time together, their love language reveals how they express affection and how they want to receive it. Learning how to speak your partner's love language can benefit you both as it helps you feel seen, valued and understood. When you consistently meet your partner's emotional needs in ways that matter to them, both partners feel more fulfilled. Love becomes tangible and felt every day, not just in grand gestures.
Learning your partner's love language also encourages patience, empathy, and self-awareness. You become more intentional in how you give love, which strengthens your ability to connect with others beyond your romantic relationship. What's more, many conflicts in relationships arise from misaligned expressions of love, so knowing each other's languages can help reduce frustration and confusion, because you learn to recognize that an overlooked gesture isn't rejection; it's simply not the language they respond to.
And discussing types of love languages opens up honest dialogue about needs, expectations and desires that can deepen understanding and even make difficult conversations easier. In fact, exploring your love languages together can be a meaningful mental health activity.
Love, Decoded
Even as we grow and relationships evolve, one thing remains constant: we all want to feel seen and understood. Relationships can be a powerful source of that connection and knowing your partner's love language helps you meet them where they are. It's a small, simple step that can facilitate a more functional, fulfilling connection.
Explore your love language with your partner through an experience with an exciting lesson with Classpop!
